i run away from things
that seem too good for me
too good to be
sustainable
as my heart composts
organic material unfertilized
a 50:50 mix of hope and disappointment
so, i water my dreams + trauma
healing and disease in the same garden
‘cause i keep running
even when my legs tire
i fire up my appetite for escape
in place of tracing the lines
of excuses, broken promises + wastes of time
not honoring my true self
i need help
but help ‘gon have to chase me
cause i’m off + running

full speed, hard like rocks
every time my feet hit the ground
my brain stops being confused
no longer thinking; i’m immune
impermeable to the fumes of toxic sh*t
i didn’t ask for this. i was six
+ maybe you were only 8 or 12
now were adults running from heaven
‘cause… well
it feels too good
+ we’re convinced that behind every good moment
are three terrible ones
so we run professionally

self-sabotaging olympians
medals of withdrawal, plaques of isolation
coming in first place at the race
to safety in separation
that’s who we are
track stars
grammy-award winning
head spinning
masters of vanishing
panicking
holistic holograms
damaging tracks

stars with trust issues
leveraging our shine
waiting for the ball to drop
out of the sky
in lanes painted, stretching for the next 4 x 4
nesting in starter blocks like birds
selling wings for two knees
hoping to see more faster
running from no one
chasing ourselves in circles
never captured
cycling the same emptiness
that abandoned you
leaving yourself to soothe + coo
in cribs long after being a baby
evidence of “malnutur-ing” you
absence is what we’re used to

stars escape + exits on our terms
it burns
but we let it for the scars
these marks keep us out of retirement
+ training for relays in relationships
dating sprints
casually looking up marriage tips
afraid to stay in something
long enough to choose
presence, confronting, showing up
+ trying something new
tracking fidgety
emotionally configuring
happiness is triggering
altering calculations of how damaging
humans can be
what if they see me + leave
will i always run away from things
that seem too good for me
too good to be
sustainable